Real love requires us to be seen for who we truly are—without masks, without performance, without fear.
Summary:
We all crave unconditional love, yet many of us unknowingly block ourselves from experiencing it. The reason? We aren’t fully honest about who we are. Instead of showing up authentically, we adapt, perform, and mold ourselves to fit expectations—seeking approval rather than genuine connection. Inspired by Real Love by Greg Baer, this article explores how hiding keeps us disconnected and how embracing our true selves is the only way to experience real love.
Key Points
- Many people struggle to feel truly loved because they aren’t showing their real selves.
- We often adapt our behavior to gain approval, which means people don’t love us—they love the version we present.
- This creates a cycle of disconnection, self-doubt, and unfulfilled relationships.
- Real love can only be received when we have the courage to be fully seen.
- Breaking free from performance and embracing truth leads to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.
Why We Hide Who We Really Are
From childhood, we learn that approval comes with conditions.
- “Be good, and I’ll praise you.”
- “Act a certain way, and you’ll be accepted.”
- “Don’t be too much, don’t be too loud, don’t be too different.”
So, we adapt. We become what we think others want us to be—especially in relationships. Instead of revealing our true selves, we present the parts that seem acceptable, lovable, or desirable.
Dating is a perfect example.
- On a first date, many people aren’t focused on being authentic; they’re focused on being liked.
- They carefully choose their words, highlight their best qualities, and avoid anything that might seem unattractive.
- If the other person shows interest, it feels like love. But in reality, they are loving the role we played—not our true selves.
The result?
- We constantly fear that if they really knew us, they wouldn’t stay.
- We continue performing, afraid to break the illusion.
- Deep down, we still feel unloved—because we know they don’t see all of us.
The Cost of Hiding: Why We Still Feel Alone
When we present a false version of ourselves, we experience:
- Surface-level relationships.
- If someone only sees a part of you, they can’t truly connect with you.
- Fear of rejection.
- You constantly wonder, Would they still love me if they knew the real me?
- Emotional exhaustion.
- Maintaining an image is tiring. It’s like wearing a mask all day—it drains your energy.
And the worst part? Even if people say they love us, we don’t fully believe them. Because deep down, we know they are loving the performance, not the person underneath.
What Real Love Requires: The Courage to Be Seen
Real love—unconditional love—can only exist when we stop performing and start being truthful.
This means:
- Letting go of the need to impress.
- Admitting our fears, flaws, and insecurities.
- Trusting that we are worthy of love, exactly as we are.
Of course, this isn’t easy. Showing up honestly makes us vulnerable. It means:
- Some people may not accept us—and that’s okay.
- We might lose some relationships—but they weren’t based on real love anyway.
- We will finally experience true connection with those who love us for us.
How to Start Being More Authentic in Relationships
- Notice when you’re performing.
- Are you acting differently to please someone?
- Are you afraid to express your real feelings or needs?
- Practice honesty—starting small.
- Share a personal truth with someone you trust.
- Express an opinion you’d normally keep hidden.
- Let go of relationships that require a performance.
- If someone only loves the version of you that fits their expectations, that’s not real love.
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe being fully yourself.
Final Thoughts: Love Starts with Truth
If we want to experience real love, we must take the risk of being fully seen.
- Love based on performance is exhausting.
- Love based on truth is liberating.
- Real love means you don’t have to earn it—you simply receive it.
The question is: Are you willing to stop performing and let yourself be loved for who you truly are?
Engineer Your Life 