Rewriting Your Story: How Judgments Shape Your Reality

Change the way you judge events, and you change the way you feel, act, and experience life.

Summary: Every moment, we interpret the world around us through our thoughts and judgments. These judgments determine how we feel and how we respond to situations. If we want to break free from negative emotional cycles and create more love, patience, and peace in our lives, we must first change the meaning we assign to events. Inspired by Real Love by Greg Baer, this article explores how shifting our perspective can transform our emotions, actions, and ultimately, our reality.

Key Points

Every reaction starts with a judgment—how we interpret an event determines our emotions and actions.
We often try to change our emotions (e.g., “I need to be more patient”), but this is already too late—we are reacting.
Our actions, driven by emotions, create new events, reinforcing our beliefs and keeping us stuck in a cycle.
To truly change, we must go deeper and shift our initial judgment of an event.
This process is challenging because our judgments are deeply ingrained, but it is the key to experiencing real love and freedom.

How Our Judgments Create Our Reality

Everything begins with an event. Someone criticizes you. You get stuck in traffic. A partner forgets something important to you.

The event itself is neutral—it just is. But what happens next is automatic:

You judge the event. (“That was rude,” “This is so unfair,” “They don’t care about me.”)
Your judgment creates an emotional reaction. (Frustration, anger, hurt, or disappointment.)
That emotion drives your response. (Snapping back, shutting down, or overthinking.)
Your action creates a new event. (A tense argument, withdrawal, or further miscommunication.)
The cycle continues. (Your new event is judged again, feeding into more frustration, disconnection, or conflict.)

Why Trying to Change Emotions Doesn’t Work

Many people attempt to change their emotions directly. They tell themselves:

I need to be more patient.
I shouldn’t get angry about this.
I should be more loving.

But by the time an emotion arises, it’s already too late—we are in reaction mode. The emotion was created by our judgment of the event.

Instead of fighting emotions, we must go one step earlier and change how we judge the event itself.

Breaking the Cycle: Changing the Meaning We Give to Events

To break free from negative emotional spirals, we must shift our judgment. This means choosing a different way to see a situation—one that doesn’t trigger automatic frustration, resentment, or pain.

Example 1: Traffic Jam

Old Judgment: This is so frustrating! I’m wasting my time! → Leads to anger.
New Judgment: This is extra time for me to listen to my favorite podcast or reflect on my day. → Leads to calm acceptance.

Example 2: A Partner Forgets Something Important

Old Judgment: They don’t care about me. → Leads to hurt and withdrawal.
New Judgment: They’ve had a stressful day, and this doesn’t define their love for me. → Leads to understanding and patience.

By changing our perspective, we naturally create different emotions and responses, which in turn lead to different outcomes.

Why This is Hard (But Necessary for Real Love)

The way we judge situations is deeply ingrained. It comes from:

Childhood experiences
Cultural conditioning
Past relationships
Our fears and insecurities

These default judgments become our reality, shaping how we experience the world. But they are not the truth—they are just our interpretation.

Real love, as Greg Baer describes, requires us to step out of these conditioned responses. It means:

Seeing people and situations without instantly judging them.
Recognizing that when others act out, they are often in pain—not trying to hurt us.
Choosing to give love, rather than reacting with fear or frustration.

This is not easy, but it is the only way to break the cycle and experience deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Final Thoughts: You Choose Your Story

At every moment, you have a choice:

Judge events as unfair, frustrating, or painful—and continue the cycle of negative emotions and reactions.
See events with openness and understanding—and create a new experience of love, peace, and connection.

This shift won’t happen overnight. But with awareness and practice, you can train yourself to rewrite your story—one thought at a time.

Have you ever changed your perspective on a situation and seen a different outcome? Share your experiences below!